On the death of my friend of 30 years, Toddy Merchant,

This is by no means going to be generalizable to anyone else.  And it in no way reflects that our upbringing suggested that we would have doubts.  But I have not generally had a strong relationship with God or some higher being or power.  I'm a skeptic, but there are times when I think maybe we're getting better at understanding of the possibility of one another.  But this guy, who you put in my life with his wonderful twin Toni 30 years ago, you had a huge opportunity to shine right there.

I mean, I'm only saying that hundreds or thousands of people were  praying!  People who have never prayed before are praying!  People who aren't sure of what they want to do and think and feel started praying!  I was praying so much and you know that that is not necessarily how our relationship is. You had a seriously HUGE chance to grab any doubters and turn us into zealous or missionaries or whatever you want or desire as God or a higher power or a Goddess or if there's another name or possibility.  

My husband was having a change of heart regarding his agnosticism by seeing how we were all just sending positive energies through supernatural channels to lift  up my friend and his family. We begged for a miracle.  You had a huge chance there.

Had you pulled out that miracle, you'd have had me dead to rights.  I'd be the biggest and best follower and believer ever...

But you didn't show up.  

RIP Todd "Toddy" Merchant, Jr. 

January 20, 2015