Tributes 1-20-2010

Tributes

With this aspect of my writing, I wanted to address some monumental losses that occurred in these last several months since I last wrote. The first loss was within Steve’s family. His great Aunt, Marge Schmidt, passed away right before Thanksgiving. I took a class at U of M about the anthropology of death and dying, and in most cultures, a long process where an individual is aware of what is happening to them and is able to see everyone they care for and say goodbye is considered a “good death”. In the case of Aunt Marge, who was in her 80s, by those standards, it was considered a “good death”. She went into the hospital one weekend and by Sunday morning the doctors realized that her pulmonary fibrosis had progressed too far and she was so sick that she wouldn’t have much longer to live and they would only be doing what they could to keep her comfortable. Steve packed in a flurry and drove to Cheboygan on that day and started to spent time with her and the rest of the family in the hospital. On Monday, I drove up with Sumi, and others had been arriving all day. Marge was surrounded by visitors and we all kept vigil Monday and Tuesday. Despite the obvious pain and difficulty breathing, she tried to talk to everyone. She told me that I “have such a beautiful smile” and that she loved us. She told us all how much she loved us and we all spent some really cherished moments with her in those last few days.

In many ways, Marge was a Grandmother to Steve and his siblings. She and her husband Norm didn’t have children of their own, so they loved and cared for their nieces and nephews and neighbors and great-nieces and great-nephews, and even a great-great-nephew. I always felt love from her in the few years that I knew her. She and Uncle Norm have even become friends with my Grandma Lindsay through the years that Steve and I have been together. We are all so blessed to have had her in our lives and it was very sad to see her go. She passed away peacefully. The church was so packed that they had to set up extra chairs for the service, and the surprise of the funeral was that an Amish family from an Amish area of Michigan had gotten a ride with a relative. Apparently Uncle Norm, who is famous for his horses, had met this Amish family decades ago and he and Marge had a Christmas tradition of playing Santa Claus to the Amish children and visiting for Christmas dinner. It was a very big deal for them to ride in a car to come to the funeral, and it really brought everyone to tears.

We all miss and loved Marge, and everyone is taking good care of Uncle Norm. He had double hernia repair surgery on New Year’s Eve, and is doing pretty well recovering.

Over Christmas, we received news that my Aunt Joanne’s very dear friend Joyce Turek had died from brain cancer. When I was a little girl she would crochet (knit? sew?) teddy bears with different outfits on them, and give them to me. She also had a beautiful doll house and my sister and I would go and play with it – it was really the most amazing dollhouse you’ve ever seen. She lived next door to formerly Quick/now Blaesing cottage on Druid Lake in Hartford, Wisconsin. She was a very dear friend to Aunt Joanne in particular, and these last several months as she deteriorated in her illness were very hard for Auntie Jo. The Lindsays stayed at the cottage over Thanksgiving and on Thanksgiving Day we went over to see Joyce. Although she wasn’t the heartily laughing person I was accustomed to from my childhood, I am glad that we got to see her. Now she’s joined so many angels in heaven.

Going back to the class I took as an undergrad, none of those “good” characteristics were a part of what happened this month. Late at night on Saturday January 9/Sunday January 10 Kevin LaHaie, age 34, left his house, his wife Carrie (Huber) LaHaie (a former classmate of mine), and his 3 children Andrew (8), Connor (4 or 5), and Alexis (1) on his snowmobile. He was going too fast around an icy curve and was thrown from the snowmobile, hit a couple of trees, and died. When he didn’t show up to meet his friends, they called his wife. She drove out to find him and attempted CPR but there wasn’t anything anyone could do.

This is a horrible horrible shock. Most of you know that the LaHaie family and the Lindsay family have always been dear to each other. Ralph and Mary Kay LaHaie lived next door to us for a large portion of my childhood (and before I was born). They had 8 children, in age order: Carrie, Kim, Carmen, Kevin, Kellie, Cassie, Craig, Kayla. Cassie is one year older than I am, and Kellie 2 years older, and Kellie and I ended up in the same class together. The older girls all babysat for me. Our childhood together was amazing – so many water fights and games of “hide and seek” and “bloody murder” – so many bike rides and roller skating and snow forts and jumping out of the shed onto mattresses, clubs and secret societies, play school and puppies. So many things that I think we take for granted that not all kids grow up with that many children right next door. In addition to the 8 LaHaie kids and 3 Lindsay kids, there were also the 3 Eustice kids across the street (Tony, Matt, and Katy), the Doyle kids around the corner (Matt and Katie), the Skowtens (Bill and Christy), and the LaCross’ (Crystal, Pam, Denise, and Angel). We had entire baseball teams and games in the street – pitching practice, basketball lessons at the Lindsay house, all kind of dance shows, riding in the back of the truck out to the “pole barn”, seeing what game the LaHaie’s had shot during hunting season, ice skating, sledding, and playing in the Lindsay “playhouse”. Life was so amazing for us together, and it would never have been that way without such a wonderful family as the LaHaies next door.

Thankfully even after the LaHaies moved out to the outskirts of town we all remained friends. The Lindsays have attended all the weddings that we could (except Cassie’s, who had a destination wedding in St. Thomas this October). I did a reading at Kellie’s wedding and my parents are still a special part of the LaHaie’s life (and Steve and I went to Cassie’s reception in December). No one could ever have been prepared for or imagined that something like this would happen to someone we love. The whole LaHaie clan is just devastated and heartbroken.

Even though I desperately wanted to, I couldn’t get home for the funeral, but my parents were there and I heard from a number of sources that there were almost as many people standing outside the church as there were inside the church. Kevin was a good man – a good husband, a good father, a good friend. My heart is just broken for his family.

One of my favorite memories of Kevin is actually from high school. He was standing near a group of girls who weren’t always that nice to me. One of the girls made a negative comment to me or about me – it doesn’t matter to me now what she said. Kevin immediately turned around to her and said, “She’s like family. Don’t say things like that about her.” Those girls were NEVER mean to me ever again. Kevin was a strong man, a hard worker, and devoted to his family. I only pray that somehow his wife and children and parents and brother and sisters and in-laws can find peace knowing how much they are loved and supported and how much we all feel Kevin’s loss.

So this was a tragedy. A true horrific tragedy. Please keep the LaHaie family in your prayers. And stay off snowmobiles, or at least drive slowly. And love your family. Take care of one another and live life without grudges or regrets.