Missing people

Sometimes I really feel like I miss people so much....work can get so busy and stressful just because there's not enough time to get things done, and then I get home and I am so tired and I generally avoid calling people....

Which would be all right except that I miss them...it's not that I don't want to talk to people and see people - I just forget to call. I have been a neglectful friend and feel terrible about it. I miss my friends and my family so much. And I miss Steve so much....

I miss when my life was simpler...which was probably in college. Fewer bills, I could live on very small amounts of money, fewer medical problems, close proximity to lots of friends, trips home when I needed to because it was only 4 hours away, so much less responsibility....

I wish I knew what I had had before I lost it....

This disease really is isolating just in the physical aspect of it - feeling yucky when you don't want to feel yucky and having to fight the pain but keep on truckin' so as not to ruin the few good times I have.

That being said, I don't think that I am officially "clinically depressed". I am pretty down about this disease and I feel terrible physically but I don't feel despondent and without hope on a regular basis. Sure I have those moments, but thankfully they don't last. I actually am surprised that I am avoiding a major depressive episode, having been someone diagnosed 19 years ago with depression that I have combatted my entire life. I have been far worse off emotionally for much less cause, so I am relieved that I have some handle on things and haven't completely let this kill my spirit, but it's not for lack of effort on the disease's part.

I miss people....and home...